February 2013
5 posts
5 tags
Good Enough
Dear God,
I don’t think I’m good enough for anything.
I am not good enough for anything.
Much love,
Zaakirah
7 tags
Falling Bricks
Dear God,
I think I’m going to tell him.
I want him to stop feeling this way, and maybe I want to feel better. I don’t like feeling this way either.
Give me strength.
Much love,
Zaakirah.
5 tags
Independent
Dear God,
I’m sorry. I couldn’t do what they asked me to. I can’t.
I’m supposed to be independent. I can’t do that if my walls come down.
I depend on no one but You because I’ll be the only one left at some point. Just like he said.
Much love,
Zaakirah.
7 tags
A Mask
Dear God,
I can open up to no one. Everyone has a rise in their own problems or my problems hurt them. The person I thought I could help tells me I shouldn’t just talk to him. He shouldn’t be my only vent, because then I get dependant.
Okay. Then I’ll open up to no one. No one will really know but You. I’ll be dependant on no one. I have an off day, I bounce back. They say I’ll be fine and I...
5 tags
Atlas
Dear God,
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned from the trials of my life it’s that shouldering all your own pain is one of the most difficult things to do, but it is better than making others share it. Who will be left in the end but me, Allah? Only You and I should really know. It’s better for everyone else this way.
Much love,
Zaakirah
7 tags
Walls
Dear God,
I’m shutting myself in now. I will place myself back to where I was and in pretending to be happy, I will become happy.
But I’m also shutting myself in to see who will save me, who will attempt to save me.
I don’t think anyone will though, Allah. They’ve all tried, and I think at some point they’ll stop trying. They’ll stop because they’ll...
January 2013
5 posts
8 tags
Adolescent Pain
Dear God,
I believe that adolescence is often the most awful time of someone’s life because they suddenly are forced to realize that life isn’t always easy. It’s a simple thing to say and most people know it’s not, but experiencing it is another thing. You realize that the world is harsh, made to press you into a diamond, and so many cry, wail, or scream in the pain. Some can’t take it and try...
5 tags
Punishment
Dear God,
Strike me down and make me pay.
Unless this is my punishment. Then strike harder.
Much love,
Zaakirah
6 tags
Cold
Dear God,
I’m so sick of being cold, inside and out.
I’m at the end of my rope in so many ways and yet far from the drop in others.
I hate it.
Much love,
Zaakirah
7 tags
Stop
Dear God,
I hate feeling like this. I know I could just say “Stop feeling like that,” but…
I don’t want to stop.
I always want things to be easy.
I want my life to be love and music and snow and summer and laughter more than hate and silence and mud and icy cold and tears.
I hate myself because of my self-pity.
I want it all to stop.
Is it a sin to want it all to...
7 tags
Being Here
Dear God,
I am a good person for letting him hang out with his friends instead of insisting he comes here?
Or am I a worse person because I’m upset he’s not?
Much love,
Zaakirah
December 2012
3 posts
5 tags
Independence
Dear God,
What’s wrong with me?
I can’t do anything by myself.
Maybe Ellen’s right, Allah.
I’ll probably spend the rest of my life relying on other people to help me. And I know that the best thing to do is to learn how not to, but how can I do that without using the people I’ve always relied on?
I might be good at school, but I’m pretty sure it’s the...
4 tags
Selfish
Dear God,
I’m terrible for feeling lonely - no. I’m terrible not for feeling lonely, but for believing I have a right to hurt.
Has the Devil caught me? Or is this just inflicted on myself wholly?
I like to cry, I like to feel hurt. I like to hurt my own self-esteem. They’re a type of self-medication. They bring out the hurt, give me a way to funnel it.
I’m sorry for...
November 2012
2 posts
5 tags
Gratitude
Dear God,
I don’t know how you thought me worthy of someone so beautiful to love me, but I thank you graciously anyway.
Much love,
Zaakirah
4 tags
Burden
Dear God,
It’s happening again. I’m pushing down my worries because I can’t burden others, and then I feel worse.
All my work is scaring me and pushing down on me.
Please help me get through this.
Much love,
Zaakirah
October 2012
1 post
6 tags
Pressure
Dear God,
Why is it that there’s so much pressure for me to choose something that I love?
I don’t get it. It’s just another year of high school. I know universities will be looking at my marks, but that doesn’t mean that I need to change my work habits because my work habits are fine. In fact, the pressure is making my work habits worse.
This is all just for me to choose...
September 2012
2 posts
5 tags
Please
Dear God,
Please, please don’t tear this beautiful boy away from me. Please help us get through this and please let him be okay.
Much love, Zaakirah
5 tags
Wonderful
Dear God,
It was a tough year, and this year might be tougher still, but at least I now have him to help me through it too.
Thank you.
He’s wonderful.
Much love,
Zaakirah
June 2012
1 post
4 tags
Will
Dear God,
I’ve lost my will to live.
I don’t know what to do.
There’s no where to hide except into the arms of death. I’m too scared of it.
I’m too caring to go that far. I love my family more than my selfish need for escape and need for life.
God, please help me.
Much love,
Zaakirah
May 2012
2 posts
4 tags
Existence
Dear God,
Do I have a reason for living?
Do I have a purpose for my existence?
Do I move people by being who I am?
All I know is that You would have struck me down if I had no reason to live - that I had done everything that I needed for this life and my test was complete.
There’s still more pages to go. The questions seem to be getting emptier and emptier though. I just pray that I...
5 tags
The Return
Dear God,
The Hate Cycle is making it’s rounds again, but this time it’s taking it’s time.
First it starts as a prickle, a want for wetness in my eyes.
Then it travels to my stomach, slowly eating me up inside, causing physical pain and worry.
And with each tear I feel another stab,
and all too soon they’ll become sobs.
Why do I do this to myself? Do I want attention?...
April 2012
3 posts
4 tags
Better
Dear God,
I’ve just realized that I always I think the situation is worse than it really is.
A lot.
But thanks.
Hoping for the worst makes the good outcomes that much better.
Much love,
Zaakirah
4 tags
A Loss
Dear God,
Did I really do the right thing?
I’m so scared that my friends hate me now, that they’re disappointed in me and think that I’m the dumbest of all dumb things in this world. And maybe I am. I just really don’t want to loose their friendship over something like this.
I think they only wanted to protect me, but they haven’t replied to me. I need to talk to...
6 tags
Intelligence
Dear God,
Sometimes when I speak I feel like my words are dumb, not worth hearing. I feel like I shouldn’t even be speaking.
Who wants to hear my words? I’m just an airhead.
I’m even telling myself that I need to delete this letter.
It’s just all so stupid.
Me and the world.
We’re stupid.
Much love,
Zaakirah
March 2012
5 posts
4 tags
Being Human
Dear God,
Why am I a human being?
I feel like being a squirrel or dolphin would be much nicer.
Much love,
Zaakirah
4 tags
Change
Dear God,
I’ve finally figured out what I want to do when I grow up.
I want to change the world.
I want to make a positive change. Even if it’s small. I want someone to see my name and remember someone who was amazing. Who followed their dream and motivated others to do so.
Who helped make a happier human race.
Can You help me do that?
Much love,
Zaakirah
4 tags
Payment
Dear God,
Please help him. He still loves me, and I don’t love him.
Well, when I say help, I just wish You could give him the strength. But I know that he doesn’t believe in You anymore, so he probably wouldn’t appreciate it (I mean that in the best way too).
So I guess instead I’m asking You to help me help him. Because I can’t repay back the love he’s...
5 tags
A Lesson Learned
Dear God,
While a male organism can cause large amounts of hurt and angst, they can also cause large amounts of happiness and fond memories.
I need to remember that.
In general, things are becoming better. I think the challenge that You gave me is coming to a close, and for that I’m grateful. With the help of my Dad, I’ve also figured out what the most important lesson I could...
4 tags
Worth
Dear God,
The Hating Cycle is starting again. It’s silly, starting it over a boy. A male organism that likes to interact with me, and I’m getting frustrated because I’m not sure if he considers me a potential mate.
So silly, but true, and it does not stop me from telling myself that I’m weird, unlikable and worth nothing.
I think that’s why I seek certain types of...
5 tags
Knots
Dear God,
Please help me understand why I hate myself.
I keep finding reasons to put myself down. It’s not like I was told I was lesser than anyone as a child. I was raised, and still am, with love. Lots of it.
I just need to understand why. If I understand, maybe I can find the end of this knot and unravel it.
Much love,
Zaakirah
February 2012
4 posts
5 tags
Wrung Out
Dear God,
I’m so fed up with other people.
That’s horrible for me to say, considering I’d like to be a caring person, but this challenge You’ve given me hurts so much.
At times, when things are upsetting me, I’ll become teary. A lot of people do it. And it’s bothersome to me. It’s difficult to hold any of your emotions in, especially if the source of...
4 tags
Pain
Dear God,
Pain.
Pain is a really weird thing.
What’s it’s purpose?
To teach us unfathomable lessons?
To make us smarter?
Make us weary of the human race?
Or is it just simply a by-product of living? A side effect?
Pain could be said to be the reason why we live, love and do the things we do. We fall in love because we fear the pain of being alone, we live because we fear the...
7 tags
Lessons
Dear God,
Sometimes I wonder why You invented us silly little humans. Many of us are quite nasty. We kind of have this innate ability to cause large amounts of evil and hurt, like it’s the only thing we’re good at, not only for other species on this Earth, but others of our own kind as well. And due to this acute ability, some of us would rather die than ever be born, orsleep for a thousand...
